I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
