worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You may now shotgun with the bride
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
