as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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