So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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