He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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