Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
