we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
