His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
