I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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