I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
