doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
