I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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