I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
