I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
