The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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