I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
