Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
