So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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