may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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