Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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