i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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