Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
