I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
