After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
