I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.