I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
