Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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(650): Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls? http://tfl.nu/pg74

Replies (9) Good night (869) Bad night (1514)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): View more from Colorado

Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy

Replies (111) Good night (39438) Bad night (3494)
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(631): View more from New York

conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.

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(631): conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers. http://tfl.nu/22w1

Replies (40) Good night (894) Bad night (2698)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.

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(507): I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it. http://tfl.nu/rt4x

Replies (7) Good night (3738) Bad night (812)
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(407): View more from Florida

Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.

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(407): Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life. http://tfl.nu/q1vp

Replies (38) Good night (4226) Bad night (730)
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(806): View more from Texas

I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.

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(806): I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes. http://tfl.nu/owra

Replies (25) Good night (642) Bad night (3519)
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(631): View more from New York

Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack

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(631): Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack http://tfl.nu/plmg

Replies (10) Good night (1124) Bad night (4055)
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(301): View more from Maryland

We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.

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(301): We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else. http://tfl.nu/5mkn

Replies (5) Good night (4048) Bad night (1363)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

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(405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal

Replies (6) Good night (4069) Bad night (1109)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me

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(970): Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me http://tfl.nu/64e5

Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (871)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.

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(320): I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years. http://tfl.nu/ge1t

Replies (2) Good night (1046) Bad night (1329)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.

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(+44): He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window. http://tfl.nu/rmmm

Replies (4) Good night (1231) Bad night (458)
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(613): View more from Ontario

She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!

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(613): She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved! http://tfl.nu/ke0j

Replies (6) Good night (1847) Bad night (604)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me

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(306): I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me http://tfl.nu/ybnl

Replies (3) Good night (287) Bad night (744)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick

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(+44): Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick http://tfl.nu/8ik3

Replies (5) Good night (799) Bad night (417)

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