i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????