11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?