i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me