She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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