Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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