i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!