What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.