apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
