I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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