There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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