Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize