someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
