Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
