I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
there is glitter all over my balls
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