I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need a beard to bite.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
