They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
