Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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