Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
