so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
