I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
