We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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