I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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