Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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