Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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