wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
