If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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