Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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