Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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