Welp...herpes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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