May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
