The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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