Christians are straight up FREAKS
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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