dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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