New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
