why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
