how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
