my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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