Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
