I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
