If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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