im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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