im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
