I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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