I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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