He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
