But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
