Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
