my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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