I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize