Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
