apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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