If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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