You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
