He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
