I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life is pants optional.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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