I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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