you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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