Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
