I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
